I just got out of the hospital two days ago because of extraordinary menstrual cramps. My uterus decided to throw a party, and I got an exclusive invite to the pain fest, landing me a cozy spot in the hospital for three days and two nights. Can you believe it? Me neither. I mean, who knew cramps could be such drama queens? So, buckle up, folks, because, in this first chapter, I’m ready to unleash my frustrations and vent about everything related to menstruation.
Chapter 1: The Bloody Awakening
Let’s take a trip down memory lane to when I first joined the Period Club in junior high. I distinctly recall how suddenly I felt strange stomach cramps that I had never experienced before. “Seriously, body, what’s with the circus act?! Why do my waist, butt, thighs, and stomach cramp like they’re twisting but not like I want to poo poo? I feel numb.” At that moment, I immediately sat in silence and curled up in my chair until I felt something warm flowing. I rushed to the toilet, and there, I saw blood on my underwear for the first time. Without thinking much, I immediately spoke to one of the teachers I was close to, and she gave me a pad. This was the first time I had to wear a pad. “What’s the correct way to do this? Is this just stuck on? Which side should be the front, and which should be the back? Is the wide one for the butt or the small one? So how do I know if it will be full, and what if it leaks?” Yeah, those types of questions came into my mind, but I didn’t ask my teacher at that time, and I acted like I knew what I was supposed to do. When I came home, I told this to my mom, and her reaction was very happy. It’s like something to celebrate. But in my mind, I thought, “Why is she celebrating? I’m suffering right now. I’m in pain and bleeding, and now I have to remember to change this pad before it leaks and use it all day for days, feeling very uncomfortable.” My mom’s reaction does not exactly match my pain and discomfort levels.
Chapter 2: Choosing The Right Pad
Ah, the quest for the perfect pad. In a land where tampons are as rare as a unicorn sighting, I embarked on a quest to find the ultimate pad. After telling my mom, she gave me the pad that she usually uses, and of course, I used them for years because I thought “Hey, if it works for her, it must work for me, right?” Wrong. It was like wearing a diaper from hell. Fast forward, I had to live in another city to study alone. I started having to buy all my needs alone, and one of them was a pad. When I first had to buy my pad, I stood for a long time in front of a rack of pads with many variations. There are pads with a menthol sensation, there are pads with no wings?! Like what?? There are pads in sizes 22.3 cm, 24 cm, 25 cm, and that makes me very confused because the difference in size is only 1–2 cm. If the size is 25 cm and 32 cm, it is clearly much different, but this is only a difference of 1–2 cm. What’s the difference? How can I know if my blood flow that will come out can be accommodated with my pad’s capacity of 22.5/23/25 cm? There are gel and cotton types. Why is it different? Absorption capacity? Why not just one type that can actually absorb it? Why do you have to have so many versions? Why are there very thin and thick types? If, for example, the thin ones can hold more, why are there still thick ones? Why does everything have to have so many options? In order to deal with menstruation, I, as a woman, must also choose and know the right size for me to use?! What type is suitable for my menstrual flow, whether it’s a heavy flow or not, I can’t predict that. And I hate it when I use large pads and it turns out a little blood comes out. It’s like a waste of pads. Knowing that pads are one of the contributors to the source of pollution in the world, I often feel guilty.
Chapter 3: My Encounter with Tampons, Cups, and Fear!OH MY!
Let’s talk about tampons and menstrual cups, shall we? Call me old fashioned but many fears are the reasons why I haven’t decided to switch to tampons or menstrual cups. For tampons, knowing me as a person who is very clumsy and believes me a lot of weird and something that I never expected to happen in my life, these questions are always on my mind. what if the strings for pulling it out break and my tampon is stuck inside and can’t be taken out?! Who do I have to ask to get it out? Does that mean I have to go to the emergency room so a nurse can pull out my tampons?! and I have to pay for that?!. I did try using tampons recently and they were given to me by one of my Australian students because I ran out of pads. I asked her how to use it and she demonstrated it very clearly and I love her for that. when I tried it, I was very nervous. The tampons are small and I have to shove them deep. it hurts a bit because it’s dry and people say that I need a lube to help with that (Ughhh, another expense). After using it all day and having to pull it out, I was scared because the string almost broke and when I pulled the tampon it expanded like a flower which I think is pretty because it’s like a red rose. But still, I’m not brave enough to completely replace the pad with tampons. For menstrual cups, I read that to clean it I have to boil it. I lived in a shared room with A LOT of people. In Indonesia we call it “Kos-kosan” and I don’t have a private kitchen in my room, so if I want to clean it I have to boil it in the shared kitchen and I’m assuming I have to buy a special pan just to boil my menstrual cup because no way I’m gonna use that to boil my indomie or anything. For me personally, I think it’s too much because you girls know that during your period, your emotions will be on a roller coaster and you are in pain. Especially me. I can imagine that if someone annoyed me, I could splash that person with boiled water from my menstrual cup.
Chapter 4: Cravings, Mood Swings, and Other Misadventures
I just didn’t expect it because this blood affects everything in my life, down to my cravings and mood swings. Cravings that could rival a pregnant woman’s, mood swings that’d put a roller coaster to shame, and let’s not forget the obligatory pre-menstrual sob sessions. Like why? Why do I have to experience all this? The pain and the struggle are not only during menstruation but before and after menstruation. So in total, women suffer from different trials of pain and struggle for three weeks. That leaves only one week for a woman can be in peace (I think). And don’t get me started with hormonal acne, I could write a whole dissertation on that one.
Epilogue
Alrighty, folks, I’m tapping out! There’s a truckload more I could gripe about, but I reckon I’ve hit my limit. This gal needs a break because my poor hand is hurting from all this typing. The only thing keeping me going is how darn fabulous my nails look, sassily tapping away on this keyboard. Period ❤. So, there you have it, the rollercoaster ride that is my life as a menstruating woman summed up in these wild chapters. From hospital stays to pad shopping to tampon mishaps, it’s been a wild ride. it’s been a journey filled with more “What the hell?” moments than I care to count. But hey, that’s life, right? Who knew that being a woman meant navigating through a maze of cramps, cravings, and mood swings like some sort of hormonal Indiana Jones? That’s why I’m starting this series called “What the Hell,” where I’m gonna let it all out. So get ready for some serious venting about the absurdities of everything because I like to complain A LOT hehe. What the hell, right?